Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
