I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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