its not stalking. its research.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
