Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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