It's like a parade of train wrecks.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
BRING THE BAGELS
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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