Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
