my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
