I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We're too hungover to prance.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
