i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
