YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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