I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Did you pee in the oven last night??
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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