If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
