Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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