ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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