i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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