so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
