Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
only you would photoshop your dick
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
