i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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