walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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