You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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