I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
