she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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