I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
