I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
