**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
