think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
