Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
