I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
