i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
