Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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