remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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