My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
