You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Randomize
