you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
