just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
