i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
