shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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