Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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