Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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