There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
