you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
