i think my mom watched the whole time
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
