i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
