You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
