She said her name was "party"
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
