It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
