woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
