My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
