So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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