I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
