I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
